Hi there! Namaste. Most probably you stumbled across this article whose title caught your attention while browsing through your news feed. Welcome. You might be looking for some life advice. And I’ll give you just that. Make some chai for yourself and sit down.

In case you’re wondering why unhappiness is important, let me tell you this… Being happy takes a lot of things to go right. Being unhappy doesn’t, it’s pretty easy! So why take the pains to make your life amazing when you can simply make it miserable… Right? Right!

#1. Complain: I’ll introduce you to the wonderful art of complaining. Make the worst frown you possibly can, take a deep breath, and wail: “Devudaaa…enduku naake eppudu ila jaruguthundi??”

Yes, the root cause of all your problems is everyone and everything except you. And you have the right to blame them and sulk endlessly. Add a healthy helping of self-pity and you’re wallowing in the murky pit of despair in no time!

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#2. Run away from problems: All that “facing your demons and slaying them” happens only in movies and Yandamuri Veerendranath speeches, okay? In reality you have to wear Nike Air shoes and run as fast as you can from them(In case you don’t have Nike you can cry about it while running barefooted too. Eggstra badhalu, yo!). Avoid sorting out stuff with people, don’t bother about fixing your health…unhappiness will soon follow follow you like Tarak on a hoverboard behind Rakul.

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#3. Compare yourself with others: Now this is one sure-shot way to be unhappy before you can even spell the word “unhappy”. Everybody is having a hell of a time out there while you are broke and miserable here. Pakkinti Papa Rao kotha erra car konnadu, edurinti Anita pelliki bangaru vaddanam cheyinchukundi… So what do you do? Yep, compare yourself with them and be MORE miserable. Such fun.

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#4. Regret your past like there’s no tomorrow: “No regrets, no remorse”, said some idiot who couldn’t understand its value. Bullshit. He probably never had the awesomely awful experience of listening to an arigipoyina tape on repeat. Just keep thinking about that bad break-up you had, all the negativity it had caused…just to multiply it by several factors. Because constantly being hung up on what-could-have-happened is the in-thing right now!

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#5. Worry about things that haven’t happened yet: Have a presentation to give next Monday? Have exams looming like ghosts around the corner? Best way to deal with any of these: Worry! No, don’t actually try to address the task at hand. That’s something people who get things done do. Manam…we should just make sure we have that crinkled forehead and a drawn-out face. It makes you look great. Check in the mirror if you don’t believe me.

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#6. Do things you don’t love: See, happiness comes when we do stuff we love. And we obviously hate happiness. So we have to do things we don’t love, to hate our life so much that annoying things like joy can’t trickle in. Then we can happily be unhappy! Get it?

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#7. Hold grudges against people: Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Clutch it hard…it’s your precious! Our minds are meant to be filled with vile hatred, jealousy and anger towards some people, thinking about how awesome it’ll be if they fail in life! There wouldn’t be so many revenge films/serials if that’s not the case, no?

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#8. Desperately try to control everything: A few say that some things aren’t in our control and we cannot have power over everything and everyone around us. I say, screw them. Impose restrictions and impossible demands on your partner/friends, question every choice they make, make life as hard as possible for those who love you. And then watch in awe as they slowly drift away from you!

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#9. Always wear a mask: Being yourself is probably the last thing you should do if you wanna be unhappy. Pretend in front of everyone, hide your true self…cuz, naluguru em anukuntaru?! They will think you’re weird and happy. Being normal and unhappy is better than facing all those opinions, ammo!

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See? It’s all pretty simple if you ask me. Just follow these easy steps and swim in the dark sea of sorrow! Or worse, drown in it. So much fun!!

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