Contributed by Anonymous
Amidst all the “you’re the next bride” “when are you inviting us to your wedding?” “there is this eligible boy who you think you should see” I reluctantly accepted a match that my parents got off a matrimony website.
Coming from a conventional orthodox family, it wasn’t a cake walk to convince my family that I’m not ready for a serious commitment yet. I dodged as many “pelli choopulu” as I could and completed 25 years of my “unmarried” life. And one fine day it dawned on to me that my “knight in the shining armour” is not going to show up. So I decided to say yes to the next match they see, provided he is at least a little bit like how I expected my life partner to be. He was fine. And given the fact that he too comes from a similar family background, I hoped he would be understanding about certain things. And as it turned out, I got engaged in less than 15 days.
There it was!! The “engaged” tag. Although reluctant initially, I eventually felt the excitement coming in. The shopping part, deciding on the venue, the brief dates, sometimes sneakouts, made me feel that my decision wasn’t so bad after all.
Three weeks into the engagement, one eventful day, I happened to go to the customary gold shopping with his family. I was made to buy the most inexpensive yet fancy gold ring which was totally ok for me, me being not a great fan of gold jewellery. I silently accepted what was being gifted to me as it was not my choice what they gifted me. I was just a part of the shopping as a formality. I was made to go everywhere and shop for hours which wasn’t fun to me as I don’t take hours to shop. But that’s how it apparently works once you decide on a commitment that involves two complete families.
And during the shopping sessions, my would-be mother in law noticed I was calling the guy by his name. She subtly put it across to my parents that it is not acceptable. I obliged. I was uncomfortable, but I obliged. And then a lot of other rules started coming in my way – do not wear western clothes, do not laugh loudly, always have a bindi on you face, talk as less as possible. i couldn’t take it after a certain limit and I started expressing my concerns to the guy and he was highly understanding and told me it would all soon be fine and it is nothing so big to worry about.
I am an educated woman with a few principles which I couldn’t let go of, no matter what and I did put it across to the guy on the first meet that we had. I mentioned that I wouldn’t go back on these things and anything apart from those few things, I can adjust. He apparently felt those were the instincts of a strong woman. I was happy. But what I didn’t see coming was the aftermath. The guy turned out to be a total mama’s boy and was expecting I’d change all my beliefs after I’m married, which I totally disagreed on.. that’s when the relationship took a turn.
He started seeing me as someone who wouldn’t listen to his parents as I’d be living with them after I am married. He started putting limits on the silliest things just to prove his superiority. I most definitely did not like that. I wouldn’t let him have his way when my mental peace was at stake. He could not take it when I was being myself and not letting him take over my life and eventually started threating he would break the engagement. I was all ears for the reasons he had to give to break it up.. the prime one being me stooping down to his superiority and I wouldn’t let him.
There were counselling sessions from both the parents making us understand that silly things shouldn’t be reasons to break an engagement, but by that time I already realized that the guy isn’t right for me. But I kept quiet, as I didn’t want my parents to face the consequences of my discomfort. But the miscommunication went so overboard that the engagement had to get called off.
It didn’t feel bad, I wasn’t even remotely hurt, but the pity from everyone was inevitable. I had to hear “Oh I’m so sorry” “Oh that must’ve been bad” “Oh I hope you’re doing fine, just checking”. So I finally broke the ice..
I never felt he was right for me, but I went ahead and got engaged to him with a hope that it would all be the same. But believe me, it isn’t! You need to take full ownership of who you choose to make your life partner. If you don’t like him, it is ok to reject him. It is ok to tell your parents that you didn’t feel the guy was right even though they try their best to convince you otherwise. We all are the women of a century where we have the power to do what we like and what we don’t! It is plain stupidity to expect a prince but it is equally stupid to think that you can adjust with the guy who your parents feel is “the one” for you! There is nothing to feel sorry about when you turn someone down because you haven’t felt the vibe. It is perfectly alright to wait for the right one and it is most definitely not wrong that you are single even after you have crossed the so called “marriageable age”.
So this is my story and something that is most relatable to most people living in our society and this writing goes to every single girl who is shamed for not being married or is highly choosy of her partner.
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