It has been so long I have seen you alive. In fact, I don’t remember any of your facial features because you left me when I was three years old. I want to recollect at least the memories which you and I had in common, but, it is hardly possible. Your death is faster than you; it didn’t allow you to create memories. Didn’t you think that I was too young to understand the future that I was going to face and I might need your support? You know, a lot happened after your merciless demise.
Dad, I always want to share what happened in our lives after your departure from this world, but, I could never find the suitable one to share with. Of course, none can understand the pain better than you. That’s why, I am writing to you now. Do read this from your place.
You know dad, ‘Amma’ has been ostracized by (y)our deceptive relatives. We lost your hard earned property to them. We were helpless. I didn’t grew up in our home, but at my ‘amma’s father’s home. I never used to understand why Amma was crying, why her eyes were always swollen and why she never wore kumkum like other aunties. Later, I got used to all these things. All these were integrated into my life and became a part of me, even the pain in my heart.
I have been missing you much at every stage of my life. After we came to grand pa’s house, I was admitted into a school. There I started learning a lesson called ‘Family’. It was written, there are 4 members in a family. Mother, father, Sister and I. But, we were only three. I was missing you then.
There were frequent parent meetings in our school. All my friends used to come along with their fathers, sometimes mothers, but I, always with amma alone. Once I was given the best student award along with two more boys. Their father and mother were called on the stage. For me, Only Amma came on the stage. I was missing you much then.
I remember I was in 8th standard When Sam uncle got married. Everybody was taking family pics with the newlywed couple. I too wanted to have a pic. Amma was not willing. I insisted. She shouted and cried. And I had to keep quiet because I understood she was missing you then.
Later, when I grew up, I got an engineering seat in one of the colleges in the city. I had to be away from home and started staying with friends. One of my roommates was afraid of his father much. The other one was very close to his father, they were like friends. And another one fights with his dad. I wanted to be like a friend, wanted to be afraid of you and want to sulk on you. But, you were no more in my life. I was missing you at each stage. When every one was experiencing their father’s love, I don’t know the taste of a father’s love.
I got habituated to miss you. On the graduation day, all my friends’ fathers were very proud of their sons. I could sense that happiness in their eyes and dignified smiles. My heart started crying inside dad, I wanted to see the same smile on your face…but….You left us long back.
I got a job. You were not there to share my happiness with you. I got promotion next year. Amma is happy now, but you know, her heart wishes that you should have been with us to see each moment of my life. I want to see how you would react when I disclose my love life to you. I want to see how you hide your joy at the moments of my marriage. I want to see how you blush when my son calls you with his sweet voice. I will be missing you throughout my life. You know, I am envious on my friends sometimes, for they are more blessed than me. I hate God for taking away all these sacred experiences with you from my life. I pray him, if I get another life, please don’t curse me like you did in this life.
I miss you Dad. I love you. Come back to us.
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