Contributed by SaiL
I am an introvert, highly committed towards any relationship I am in, be it with parents or friends. I never talked to people unless it was important, including my roommates. My boyfriend was the only guy i’d open up to during my grad school.
My life was pretty much sorted. That’s what I thought at least. I found the love of my life, graduated from one of the best colleges(my dream college as well), had a job in hand by the time I graduated. It was all perfect until the time I found my boyfriend was cheating on me. I’ve been in relationship with him for 5 years and was totally convinced that he was “the one”. I fought with my parents, manipulated them and came to grad school just to save my relationship from breaking up and to spend time with him.
The second half of June 2017 is the period in my life i’d never want to forget. I realised my boyfriend was cheating on me, while I was still digesting this news I got an email saying that I lost my job offer, discovered that my sister was getting divorced and before I got a chance realising what was going on I lost my grandfather(he raised me!!). I can’t emphasise enough on how disturbed I was. The way I was raised, all these things were a big deal. All this happened in that 2 week period.
When I discovered these things that were happening to me, I couldn’t control them. I didn’t knew how to react, how to stop. All I wished was hoping to go in past & change everything to as it was. People were new to me, the world looked scary. I didn’t even knew the basics of communication. It was like as if I were learning how to talk. People whom I thought were my friends didn’t give a shit about how I felt. That was new to me.
I was always told with whom I was supposed to speak, my boyfriend did that for me.Before this incident I felt like all people were warm & kind. But that wasn’t true. People act to be warm & kind. Something new I learnt recently. Some just are simply cold to your face. I had to learn “the subtle art of not giving a fuck”.
I hated being alone. I was never alone since my childhood. My parents were with me until I was 21 & then I was with my boyfriend.
Whenever I had a thought of my grandfather being sick, I was always scared. I used to cry my eyes out. I always felt I might not take the pain of losing him. But when I heard the news, or even when I saw his dead body through video call I did not shed a drop of tear. I still don’t know why! I did not feel a thing. I don’t know if all these issues piled up on me that I stopped reacting.
Now, after 3 months, I slowly started learning. Learning from failures was nothing new to me(that’s a different story!!), now I started learning from pain. I changed my perspective on everyday, every minute of my life to a learning opportunity. I am not saying that I’ve mastered it, but I can definitely say that I am feeling way better than how I felt 2 months ago.
I am grateful that my boyfriend cheated on me & that I’ve faced all this. If that wouldn’t have happened I would still be an introvert devoid from that fact of what world around me looked like.
I learned seeing happiness in pain, I learned how to win from failures & most importantly I learned how happy I can be even when am alone. I am not sure if this is temporary or just another phase after break-ups but am definitely sure that I am totally prepared for worse situations in my life.
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